For the Interrogating Identity module I have decided to focus on my own identity and my past and present issues with mental well-being. I have decided to deal with my struggled with anxiety, anger management and depression in hope that it will allow me to understand myself better.
Now I have understood the power of phototherapy and I am able to face my fears easier and I am a step closer to accepting myself.
At the beginning, I was only to perform in front of the camera based on the present feelings, however I have ended up dealing with present struggles as well as difficult memories. I have not only performed for myself in front of the camera, but have also realised that I have been performing in front of my family for years, not wanting them to know my struggles. However, the struggles have made me into the person I am right now and, although I still deal with anxiety and anger or even the depressive demons of the past, I became much stronger and this project allowed me to realise that.
I have created a number of shoots for the project trying out different methods such as use of the studio, different cameras (digital medium format, film medium format, dslr), studio lighting in home settings and even documentary style photography. I have been using performance in a phototherapeutic way throughout the whole module, which allowed me to learn new things about the power of photography as well as about myself.
For the final piece, I have used my images from my final shoot. I have originally planned to use them as simple prints, however after playing around in photoshop I have changed my idea.
I have decided to use a series of 9 images. The photographs are photoshoped. I have blended the ‘normal’ images with the photographs of me performing my inner feelings. I have done three for each disease to show how much it changes me. I have decided on this piece of work as I believe it best reflects the difference between who I seem to be, and what I really feel. These images showcase best how the struggles with mental issues affect me.
Overall, I am very satisfied with this piece of work. I have put the images behind glass frames due to financial difficulties. If the images were to be exhibited, it would be on a gallery wall. The photographs would still be in the same series, created on a possibly even larger format (A3) as acrylic glass prints. Due to finances, I was only able to create A4 matt prints and put them behind glass clip frames.